“The car as we know it is on the way out. To a large extent, I deplore its passing, for as a basically old-fashioned machine, it enshrines a basically old-fashioned idea: freedom.” JG Ballard
There was a time when I'd settle for a man with a car. Nowadays I'm thinking about men with nice cars. Before you get up in arms about the thought of some gold-digging woman on the prowl for a man in a Mercedes with gold chains and chest hair let me stop you and put it in context. I'm a woman who drives a pick-up truck, and when I'm not behind the wheel of Big Bama, I'm driving my 1965 Thunderbird. Feel better?
While Los Angeles may be an auto-centric city, there is a lot to be said for a beautiful car and the man who drives one. A car that has been designed rather than manufactured is easy to spot, I'm speaking for both new and classic cars. How many of you want to tell your kids about how you proposed to their mother in a Kia in a middle of a thunderstorm? Well made goods never fail to leave an impression, thus the turn to heritage brands, and my plea for classic cars. A man who selects a car, not only for quality, but for its inherent beauty has a special place in my heart. So does the one who can tend to his car when duty calls. Where is the man who changes his own oil and can fix a flat without calling AAA? Have they gone the way of chrome, steel, and sweat?
Boys. If you'd like to one day become a man, here's a checklist.
1. Learn how to drive stick. You never know when you may need to drive a drunk friend home. Plus it's sexy.
2. Make sure you know how to change a tire, and you have everything you need to do so in your trunk. There may be one day when you're phone's dead and you won't be able to reach roadside service. Plus you look hot when you're changing a tire. The black grease under your fingernails makes it all the better.
3. If you can't change your oil, atleast know how to check your fluids. I once had a '65 Galaxie catch fire on 5th Ave because I hadn't checked my coolant.
4. The most important thing to know about cars is to open the door for your woman. Always. I dated a man, who while he had his faults, opened the car door for me everytime. For 3 years.
5. None of this mini car business. Checkerboards are for playing on, not driving in. Also if you ever hope to be able to make out with a lady in your backseat it helps to actually have a backseat (wait, ladies don't make out in backseats).
6. Customizing your import car that looks like an ice cube doesn't make it look any less like an ice cube. Leave the rims, flames, airbrusing, speakers in the trunk, 18 television screens, oversized tires, raising, lowering, bouncing to the boys.
7. Keep it clean. Bonus points if you wash your car yourself instead of taking it to the day-laborers on the corner.
8. Parallel park like a champ. Me? It takes me about 6 tries. But that's because I'm a girl. And I drive like one.
9. Get a car unstuck. While driving a friend from Texas around Echo Park I managed to get my truck stuck in the mud. If it can happen in Echo Park, who's to say it can't happen anywhere else. He was a true gentleman and after an hour of back and forth we were free. He was covered in mud, I was fresh as a daisy.
10. Most importantly, a real gentleman never put his or others lives in danger by driving drunk.
